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Chiwan Choi Reviews “Underwater” with Kristen Stewart – A Tone Poem

The following is Chiwan Choi’s review of “Underwater “with Kristen Stewart, an undersung sci-fi/horror thriller you should see on HBO Max right now. Among other things, celebrated author/editor/publisher and host of the “Are You There, Ghost? It’s Me, Chiwan.” podcast, Chiwan Choi, is a poet. He also drinks whisky. Why is that relevant? Read on. Don’t drink whisky? Stop here…

Please enjoy the following from Chiwan Choi reposted from his epic Tumblr, “Movies While Intoxicated”:

watched: crossfaded
reviewed: high
channel: hbo max
Kriten Stewart & Vincent Cassel
so then, it was like 11pm or something and i was on my second whiskey (third? shrug emoji) when the edible i took an hour ago kicked in. which made me think i should down the drink and...
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so then, it was like 11pm or something and i was on my second whiskey (third? shrug emoji) when the edible i took an hour ago kicked in. which made me think i should down the drink and pour a third (fourth?).

i think i was drinking paddy’s cuz booze is f**king expensive at the store here in pittsburgh. $32 for a tullamore dew???

oh. so–i remembered that kristen stewart is magic. this is not up for debate. i put on UNDERWATER cuz it was on hbo max.

ok i actually can’t remember right now why the hell they were all in that deep underwater base. were they drilling for oil or something? i remember how much i love kristen stewart with that short hair.
also with long hair.

but they’re underwater in this station and vincent cassell is there. he’s the boss and like kristen stewart’s mentor or boss or dad. and vincent cassell is actually playing a good guy in this movie although i thought he was going to be a murderer in the end.

i think there’s an earhquake?

something happens and the water is leaking in the station and that whole sequence when everything starts blowing up and flooding is awesome. 

image
butttttt i can’t remember how far into the movie that was.

ok so then they…something something…and then try to walk on the ocean floor to a non-blown up place. but it’s a long walk and there might be a monster out there?

cut to next morning (for me, not in the movie) and i wake up and make coffee. and i’m so confused. the whole day i’m confused.

did it all happen or did i imagine the ending of the movie? was there a big ass monster with tentacles and shit in the ocean attacking kristen stewart? does she die? is any of this in the movie or am i imagining it?

well let’s assume it did happen in the movie, the underwater lovecraftian monster and the tense breathing under the mask as kristen stewart is running on the ocean floor trying to get to safety.

it was awesome. just no nonsense tension.

loved it. loved the movie. 13/10.
From 20th Century Fox: UNDERWATER is a film that follows a crew of underwater researchers who must scramble to safety after an earthquake devastates their subterranean laboratory. Directed by William Eubank, UNDERWATER stars Kristen Stewart, T.J. Miller, Vincent Cassel and John Gallagher Jr..

Released January 10, 2020

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